The bottom dropped out and you’re left wondering, “What happened to me?” Your spouse is angry and hurt and confused. You try to understand but don’t know how you can go back or make it right. You’ve got enough to deal with trying to figure out how to put your own life back together. Should you try marriage therapy? It all feels so overwhelming!
There are many life changes that could bring you here:
Changes to your religious beliefs or practice
Maybe you found a new faith or are leaving your church. This is an intensely personal journey. You might wish to share this journey with your spouse only to find s/he is angry, hurt, or betrayed by your change. Like many people in your situation, you might feel like this isn’t something you chose but something that happened to you. You wish your spouse could understand what you’re going through. And there’s probably a part of you that wishes he/she could take this journey with you. The growing distance between you feels unbearable. There is help available and hope for a better future. After working through this change, some couples say their relationship is even stronger and closer than it was before!
You never planned to become an addict, and yet, here you are. Whether alcohol, drugs, gambling, sex, or something else, your behavior got out of control. In addition to the shame you might feel in acknowledging you have an addiction, you have to face the fact that your spouse was hurt too. For some this feels like too much to handle, and good marriages break up.
If you are like most people in recovery, balancing your work and home responsibilities with being a good spouse with recovery and preventing relapse is challenging! I can help. I can help you through the process of rebuilding trust in your marriage. We will work together to renegotiate roles and patterns that meet the needs of both you and your spouse. I will help you heal the pain addiction caused in your marriage while ensuring you have the proper supports and coping skills to prevent relapse.
(If you find yourself in this group of people and you want marriage therapy. Please find a marriage therapist who understands addiction, even if it’s not me. A well-intentioned and otherwise skilled therapist could actually make things worse for you if s/he doesn’t understand addiction and the delicate dance of recovery.)
Major or Chronic Illness
Your life has changed because of your illness. You hardly recognize yourself anymore. You’re lost and overwhelmed dealing with an illness you didn’t plan and don’t want. You see how your spouse struggles to adapt to these changes in your life. He or she loves you, you know that, and yet there is distance, resentment, frustration, and sadness between you. Maybe you worry your spouse will get fed up and leave. Maybe you consider leaving because you hate to see how your illness has become a burden on your relationship. A major or chronic illness doesn’t have to mean the end of your marriage. I can help you discover new possibilities for how you and your spouse can work together, live together, and love together.
You’ve decided on a major career change; this might require you to go back to school, commute longer hours, make less money, or even move. You know this is good for you as a person and hope it will be good for your family in the long run. And yet, right now it’s hard! You might see your career change as exciting and hopeful. And then you’re surprised when your spouse doesn’t feel the same way. If your partner is angry, resentful, or overwhelmed by this change you’re making, I can help you! I can help you become the best version of you and continue forward with a loving, supportive relationship for you both!
I provide marriage counseling in Riverside, California and online. Call me today at 951-999-7775 for a free consultation.